Sunday, May 24, 2009

#31: The change begins, and already I don't want to write this post.

Ok, so let me introduce you to the other bundle of joy in my life, the one who still brings a smile and warm fuzzies to me when she smiles and/or plays. My oldest daughter, Justeen, is just two months from turning SIX. I still remember the first day bringing her home from the hospital in Ames, about an hour away, which that day it took us about an hour and half. Because I drove about 40mph most of the way home, because she started sleeping the moment we put her, in her car seat, into the Jeep. We took the old highway from Ames to State Center, and then stopped there, talked to her dad for awhile at his work, and then headed home. I'll never forget it, because it was my first child. Not to say I'll forget Rory's coming home either...-10 with -40 wind chills, what a week that was!

Justeen loves to play in the yard, plant flowers, (trying to) cook, draw on the sidewalk with her massive amounts of chalk she got two years ago and hasn't worn out of supply. Her aspirations this summer are to learn how to tie shoes, ride a bike, and how to use a hammer (she helped me with building a bird house last spring). She hates when I play with my band because we are "so loud for me!" as she puts it. She likes to play princess, and has so much Disney princess junk that there is no mistaking there is a little girl in that room. She painted her walls in cotton candy pink and purple, which she helped with and was SO proud! She also helped paint trim on the house when we moved in here two years ago.

My daughter lives in a world of fantasy and unfortunately has taken to my habits, and has hit friends of hers at school. She has also bit, said mean words to, pushed down, taken a ball that was being played with from, and pulled hair on her friends. She has subsided a bit since we have taken things away and let her earn them on a daily basis. She is also working on earning 50 stars for days with good behavior towards a Nintendo DS, of which she has earned five already.

I bring that up because of a transgression between my wife and the mother to one of Justeen's friends. I can't tell what all went on because the facebook status post the discussion was on is deleted now. But in the general realm, what happened is, the mother of her friend (A in further reference) told my wife that A's daughter (C) is not allowed to be around Justeen right now, because of some of the above listed actions. My sister-in-law (D) discussed this with my wife over the phone, and my wife said how she felt A was just holding this shit back, and just sprung it on us now, and we had no way to know what was going on, C told her that since we were family and she was a close friend, that she wasn't going to support either side in this, and that she might not even hang with either side until this blows over. Now A, and D, along with several other people had railed on my wife about this on facebook all day, and she was just holding onto it and did nothing to protect herself. I resigned from the argument, and I'll explain why after I get done with this section. Now E comes along and sees all of this and is talking to wifey on facebook chat, and then posts something to back her up, she says that we're good parents, despite what our kid does, because we try to parent her, we at least make an effort, and that anyone who is talking shit about us really needs to look at themselves first. A comes along and says that my daughter was cussing at her daughter at school, and then drags me into the argument, saying I'm a bad parent because I use cuss words in front of my daughter, also because I advocate some violence (or something other than a fucking lesson) in cartoons, kids go to school the majority of their waking day, they don't need to come home and watch lessons and school lessons for however long they watch TV.

Let me sidebar for a bit about this first: Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends just had it's series finale a couple weeks or so ago, we just watched it, and I'm sad, because I really loved that show, its been on as long as my daughter has been alive so far, and I've watched it with her in my arms and eating from a bottle, and now sitting next to her on the couch, or curling up under a blanket. I remember a day when I was going to head outside and do a lot of stuff, but none of it got done because there was a six hour Foster's marathon that day, and we watched. Every. Single. Episode. I love it because while the lesson is subversive (which is the way I think it should be) it's not omnipresent. They're not trying to teach you like Sesame Street or Dora, and I think that's what is wrong with kid's TV shows now. Too many are trying to be edutainment, and that is so wrong, kids need to unplug and enjoy flights of fancy every now and again. I know I daydreamed as a kid, I used to wonder what it would be like to live with the Smurfs, or Pippi Longstocking, or the Muppets. Hell, I even daydreamed and played with friends like we were Care Bears.

Another sidebar: What the fuck happened to Care Bears?! I watched a DVD with my daughter and they were all CGI, and damn these fuckers were whiny. There's a difference between showing emotion and being a whiny little fuck about it...

Now, I've mentioned those two points to get to this point. I feel this person is just nitpicking on us, because our daughter chose to react to teasing, she got teased all last year during kindergarten, my wife has told me she'd come off the bus crying because of what A's child did to her. Now, as I mentioned earlier, I've resigned myself from this argument, because I have WAY more important shit to deal with as opposed to her drama-stirring bullshit! I can easily list about ten things I'm trying to deal with that are way more important than her shit. Not to mention there are at least 20 more on that list that I'd have to sit down and think about. Oh, forgot where I was at for a bit, but after A says her shit, E comes back on Facebook and is like "Look, these two have shit going on, not only do they have a new child, but they have to try to keep the other one under control (like we've ever had that!), along with dealing with unemployment and looking for work and one is going back to school." She said something else as well, but I can't remember what it was but I was like "FUCK YEAH!"

At some point I hope this situation resolves itself in any way or form, but for right now, to all parties involved, sick my fucking duck! I'm tired of people stirring up drama and shit just to get my wife and I pissed at each other. I'm having a hard time dealing with my marriage as it is, and I'm trying to keep it together, because we've been through shit like this before, and we made it through, but now we're at each other all the time, like we just have a gun and waiting to draw on each other and trying to make the other feel pain first. We've got a lot of shit on our plate, and a lot more to work on between the two of us, but since having our second child, we haven't had much time to talk at all. We used to deal with stuff in a fairly rational manner, and now we just can't wait to bite the other person's head off! I often sit here wondering what the fuck happened, we were doing great, and all of the sudden the family dynamic changed and ever since that happened, the five months since have been sheer hell. I don't even want to list all of the shit that is going on here, because I don't want a pity party, I don't want sorrow, I need anything to get me out of this rut. Unfortunately for me, Publishers Clearinghouse hasn't showed up with the big check despite answering their emails for the big $10 million deadline since it passed over a year ago. I don't think anyone ever wins that shit, it would help to win it, but like that'll ever happen.

I've done so much good shit, I've been such a nice person, I've done everything I can for my family, I've fought tooth and nail for four years after we lost our apartment because we couldn't pay the rent, what with our NO jobs and all. I've fought so damn hard for everything I have, and I'm tired of fucking drama, I'm beyond needing it, I have enough, you can take yours back and kindly go fuck yourself!

But I guess I can't paint too good of a picture of my daughter, because it's really an objective issue, it depends on who views it. But I still see the smiley little chubby face that used to look back at me from a pile of blankets and just coo and giggle at me. I still remember the first time I ever got her to laugh by blowing raspberries on her tummy, I called EVERYONE who would listen over the phone to her giggling. She may be going through some shit of her own, and she may hit people, and do mean things, but I don't see where it is, I don't see the meanness in her. But you know what, I'm done with this argument. I figure I'm a good parent as long as she doesn't wind up killing anyone, or on the pole.